Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
