I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just threw up on my dentist
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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