last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You ruined the universe
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
