running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
