hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize