do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
