Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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