After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
