I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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