They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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