Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I want is dick and wine.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize