I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize