i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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