well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
