Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
