Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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