I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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