you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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