need another drink. this is the easiest way
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize