The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize