Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
