he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
