checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
