I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
