Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
