Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
