she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
