just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are all done wearing pants today
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize