Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They have beer where we have blood.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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