Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
