Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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