The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
