and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
