Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
