I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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