You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
