that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
