is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
