just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
