guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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