I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
