So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
