I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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