So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
