I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
