11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i love accidental penises.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
