we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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