People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
