oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
