The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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