I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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