so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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