I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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