and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
