I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
