my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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