I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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