i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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