What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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