So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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