I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize