are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
