When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
