Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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