The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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