Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
