I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
