im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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