So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
