that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
