he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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