My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
