Plan B is the new Plan A
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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