First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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