So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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