Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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