I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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