I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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